English

A shy young woman comes to the doctor.He told her take off her clothes and she went behind curtains. The women comes out covering her private places with her hands.Doctor:"Well, well, I'm however a professional doctor, so I absolutely do not care about your warm, fluffy, tender ... appetizing body."

A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!'.The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

Maid: What do you want, sir?Visitor: I want to see your master.Maid: What’s your business, please?Visitor: There is a bill...Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...Visitor: Which I have to pay him...Maid: And he returned this morning.

— Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who've brought happiness and peace into people's lives?
— Drin-king, smo-king and fuc-king

The lesbians next door asked what what I would like for my birthday. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, I wanna watch.

A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other was named Timex. Her friend said, "Who ever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" HellOOOooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

couple talking on the phone:- What are you doing?- I love, I miss you so I do not have enough. I dream about you every night, I can not without you, and you?- I eat sausages.

Old English lord came home. The butler opened the door and says:- Well, you old bastard, you're drunk, and hanging about with the girls again?- No, John, I went to buy a hearing aid ...